Notice. Name. Nurture. A Different Way to Be With Yourself.
People ask me sometimes how I manage to seem so peaceful. And I always want to laugh a little, because peaceful is not the same as problem-free. If you could sometimes hear the voices of the parts that live inside of me, you would know immediately that things are far less peaceful than they appear. What I have learned slowly, imperfectly, over years of doing my own deep work is how to meet the most ugly, hateful, selfish, angry, shameful, outrageous, immature, disgusting parts of myself with love and care.
Not fix them. Not argue them out of existence. Not perform my way past them. Meet them.
That shift from trying to perfect myself to learning how to be more fully human has been the most healing thing I have ever done. It is how I recovered from something that nearly destroyed me. It is how I found my footing as myself in the world. And it is what I want to offer you.
The practice I use is called Notice, Name, Nurture, NNN for short.
Most of us were taught, directly or indirectly, that certain feelings are problems to be solved. That anger means something is wrong with us. That fear is weakness. That grief should have an expiration date. So we manage. We push down. We white-knuckle our way through the hard moments and hope nobody notices. We tell ourselves we are wrong for feeling selfish, resentful, or jealous instead of understanding that those feelings are connected to parts of our precious hearts that are sending a message. They are asking for healing.
NNN asks you to change how you treat those needy inner parts of yourself. It invites you to do something radically different: stop and pay attention.
Notice: something is happening inside of you right now. A tightness. A heat. A sudden urge to disappear or to lash out. You do not have to fix it yet. You just have to notice it.
Name: give that something a name. Not a clinical label just something that helps you acknowledge the part of yourself that is asking for your loving attention. "There is fear here." "Something in me is furious." "Part of me feels like a child who just got left behind." Naming creates just enough distance to breathe. It moves you from being swept up in the experience to being able to witness it.
Nurture: now you turn toward it. Not to fix it or force it to leave but to offer it something it may never have received. Acknowledgment. Compassion. Presence. "I see you. I am not going to abandon you. You do not have to carry this alone."
In self-help circles there is a lot of talk about self-love, but not much practical counsel about how to actually do it. NNN is an invitation to get to know the parts of you who need love the most and then to learn how to give them that love. It is a powerful practice. You can come to know yourself so well, and to be so at ease with all of the parts of who you are, that it transforms your relationships with others. Insecurity, selfishness, shame, all of it can become welcome and beloved rather than something you need to hide from yourself or from anyone else.
Can you imagine what it would be like to fully be yourself in any given moment? In every given moment? What a gift. What strength.
That is the whole practice. Three steps. A lifetime of application.
Over the next three weeks, I am going to walk you through each step in depth — what it actually looks like in real life, why it works, and how to start practicing it today. Because this is not a concept to understand. It is a skill to build. And it starts with the willingness to stop running from yourself.
Coming in May 2026: NNN — live Zoom sessions where we practice this together. Whether you are brand new to inner work or have been at it for years, there is a place for you here. First three sessions: $25. Ongoing: $50. Registration details coming soon.