What's Really Blocking Your "Show Me"

There was a season in my life when I knew (the way you sometimes just know things) that I was supposed to go into private practice.

I was mid-career. I had experience. I had training. I had every reason to believe I could do it.

And I was terrified.

Not the surface kind of terrified, where you feel the fear and do it anyway. The deeper kind where the fear has roots, and those roots have roots, and somewhere underneath all of it is a part of you that has built a very convincing case for why this particular dream is too big, too much, too risky to survive failing at.

I wanted to move toward it. And something inside me would not budge.

What the Parts Needed

What I came to understand through the kind of interior work I now bring into everything I teach, is that I wasn't dealing with one obstacle. I was dealing with parts. Specific, distinct, deeply human parts of me that had real concerns and were not going to stand aside until those concerns were taken seriously.

These parts did not need to be argued with. They did not need to be overridden or spiritually bypassed or told that God had a plan so they should relax.

They needed three things.

They needed a plan. Something concrete enough to hold — a shape, a structure, a sense that this wasn't just a leap into the void but a step onto ground that was being prepared.

They needed reassurance. Not empty reassurance, but the kind that comes from someone who actually sees them. Someone willing to say: I know why you're scared. I know what's at stake for you. I'm not dismissing that.

And they needed a review. A looking-back at the evidence. A careful, honest accounting of how many times I had been in impossible-feeling places before — and how the Divine had always, always seen things through. Not always in the way I expected. Not always on my timeline. But always.

This was before I had language like Tosha Silver's framework for surrender to the Divine Beloved. But I had something that preceded all of that — a relationship. A long, lived, imperfect, deeply personal relationship with a God who had shown up for me again and again. And sitting with those protective parts, I laid that relationship out like evidence on a table.

Look at this. Look at this. And this. And this.

Has it not always been so?

The Shift That Wasn't What I Expected

Here is what I want you to know about how this resolved.

It did not resolve with certainty. I did not receive a sign, or a guarantee, or a vision of what private practice would look like five years out. The fear did not disappear. The parts did not throw a party and declare the path clear.

What happened was simpler and stranger and more profound than any of that.

I said yes.

And in the saying yes in the decision itself, something shifted. The relief did not come after. It came with the yes. As if some part of me had been holding its breath for a very long time, and the exhale was the answer.

The parts that had been blocking the channel did not vanish. But they softened. They got to neutral. And that was enough. That was exactly enough for the invitation to go forward.

What This Means for You

If you have been trying to open to Divine guidance, trying to genuinely say "show me," trying to invite, trying to trust and it isn't landing, I want to offer you this:

The block is almost never about God.

It is almost always about a part of you that has not yet been heard. A part that needs something specific before it can step back. Maybe it needs a plan. Maybe it needs reassurance. Maybe it needs you to sit with it quietly and review the evidence of how far you have already come, and how many times the ground has held beneath you even when you couldn't see it.

You don't have to heal that part before the channel opens.

You just have to make contact with it.

Say hello. Ask what it needs. Listen without rushing to fix the answer. And if it asks you to look back at the evidence, look back. Honor that request. Let the record of your life speak to the part that has forgotten what has always been true.

Neutral is not a spiritual achievement. It is not something you earn or perform. It is what happens when a part of you finally feels seen enough to rest just for now, just for this moment, so that something larger can come through.

That moment of rest is the open channel.

And the open channel is where everything begins.