BE • DO • HAVE | Week 4: DO
For three weeks now, we've been doing something a little uncomfortable. We looked at who we believe ourselves to be. We traced where those beliefs came from. And we started to ask who we might choose to become instead.
Maybe you've started to question a label you've carried for years. Maybe you've realized that something you assumed was just "your personality" was actually something you learned about yourself a long time ago, in a particular room, with particular people. Maybe you've started to imagine a different version of you, someone who trusts themselves, who actually enjoys their life, who knows they deserve love and respect, and who isn't working so hard to prove they're good enough.
That's a real accomplishment. And it raises an obvious question: now what?
This week we move into the second part of BE • DO • HAVE: DO.
Before you grab your planner and start drafting seventeen items to complete by Friday, pause. That's not the invitation this week.
What Does This Person's Life Actually Look Like?
When we decide to change our lives, we tend to jump straight to the to-do list. Want to feel healthier? Make an exercise schedule. Want financial security? Draft a budget. Want better relationships? Resolve to communicate more effectively.
None of that is wrong. But this whole series has been exploring the idea that who we believe ourselves to be shapes what we do, what we allow, and what we believe is available to us. So instead of starting with tasks, try starting here.
Imagine the person you've chosen to become. Then imagine an ordinary day in their life.
Not the day they win the lottery. Not the promotion. Not the day they meet the love of their life. A Tuesday. They wake up. There are responsibilities, interruptions, people who need them, and probably something that doesn't go according to plan.
Within that ordinary day, ask a few questions. How does this person live? What do they make room for? Where do they put their attention? What do they let themselves enjoy? And this is the interesting one: what do they no longer feel compelled to prove?
The Difference May Be Smaller Than You Expect
Say you've chosen to become someone who trusts themselves. What does that look like on a Tuesday? Maybe they don't poll five different people about a minor decision. Maybe they can say "I don't know" without wanting to crawl under the table. Maybe they can make a mistake without filing it away as evidence of incompetence.
Or say you've chosen to become someone who experiences more joy. What does their life actually look like? Maybe they notice the small things that delight them. Maybe they spend an afternoon on something purely because they enjoy it. Maybe they laugh at something ridiculous without hurrying back to the serious business of being responsible. Maybe they make room for creativity, or friendship, or quiet, and recognize that pleasure doesn't have to be earned by finishing everything on the list first.
None of this requires a dramatic transformation. But it might look considerably different from how you've been living.
What Have You Been Making Room For?
Every life has room for certain things, and most of us create that room without ever consciously deciding to. We make room for obligations. For other people's expectations. For worry. For keeping everyone happy. For anticipating problems before they happen.
Sometimes all of that takes up so much space that there's very little left for what we actually want.
And after enough years of arranging our lives around everyone else's needs and expectations, some of us aren't even sure what we want anymore.
If you've spent years believing you're the responsible one, the caretaker, the person who never lets anyone down, it might never occur to you that your life could be arranged differently. After all, that's just who you are. Except you've spent three weeks questioning exactly that assumption.
So what if you're allowed to be someone who has needs of their own? What if you're allowed to be someone who enjoys themselves, who doesn't have to justify every minute spent on something that matters only to them?
Imagine how that person lives. What do they make room for that you haven't? What might they stop treating as optional?
And Then There's the Part of You That Says, "Excuse Me?"
Imagining a different way of living can stir up some interesting reactions.
You might think, "I'd love more time for myself," and immediately hear: "That would be nice, but who's going to take care of everything?"
Or you might picture yourself speaking with confidence, and a part of you responds, "Absolutely not. People will think you're full of yourself."
I work with people's parts regularly, and I've learned that these reactions often have a history. Somewhere along the way, a part of you learned that being helpful kept you loved. That staying quiet kept you safe. That putting yourself first carried consequences.
Those parts aren't likely to throw you a party when you announce you've decided to become someone new. They may have concerns. That's understandable.
You don't have to argue with them. You don't have to persuade them to agree with your new identity. For now, just notice their reactions. Get curious about what they're afraid might happen. We'll explore this more as we move through DO.
You Don't Have to Become a Different Person Overnight
One of the ways we make personal growth unnecessarily difficult is by expecting ourselves to be immediately good at it.
We decide we're becoming more confident, then feel disappointed when we hesitate. We decide we're becoming more peaceful, then find ourselves irritated by dishes left in the sink. We decide we're becoming someone who trusts themselves, then second-guess a decision. Before long, we're telling ourselves we're failing at becoming the person we hoped to be.
Consider how long you've practiced the identity you currently hold. Years. Maybe decades. You've had countless opportunities to reinforce those beliefs, often without realizing it. So it makes sense that a different way of living would feel unfamiliar.
You can be curious about what it might look like without demanding you get it right immediately. You can imagine new possibilities without turning them into another set of expectations. And you can start to recognize the moments when the person you're becoming might approach life differently.
Give That Person Somewhere to Show Up
Here's what I'd like to invite you to do this week.
Spend a little time imagining an ordinary day in the life of the person you've chosen to become. Where do they direct their attention? What matters to them? What do they enjoy? How do they treat themselves when things go wrong? What do they allow themselves to want?
You don't need to figure out how to make any of it happen. We'll get to decisions and actions in the coming weeks. For now, just get to know them. Because the person you're choosing to become deserves to be more than an idea you admire from a distance. They deserve a place in your actual life.
Maybe the next time you're standing in your kitchen on an ordinary Tuesday, wondering what to do with the next half hour, you'll remember them. And maybe you'll smile, because you can begin to imagine what they might do.
This is Week 4 of my nine-part BE • DO • HAVE series, where we're exploring manifestation through identity. In January, I'll be teaching a live, three-session class where we'll work with these ideas together, exploring who you're becoming, how that identity influences your choices, and what it means to allow yourself to receive what you want.
Learn more and register here: https://stan.store/BTTIM/p/be-do-have